Sheesh, Zank

My most sincere apologies, everyone

2009-01-08T15:56:00.004-06:00

-Can you get spanked to death?
-The Amish are so behind.
-If snow wasn't cold it'd be so much fun.
-I killed a bunch of birds today
-She has big tomboy lips thatr'e like 'I play sports but I'm also a girl'.
-I wish nature was like a sandwich and you could choose what you wanted
-You're really hot for a cab driver
-Ice cream is God saying "Hang on, I'm comin back".
-My gut may be fat but it's accurate
-I hate when guys do the air guitar. It's very rarely cool.
-Maybe we should settle?
-Let's just quit our jobs and live off of our eggs

4 months overdue

2008-08-10T15:59:00.003-05:00

-My bandaid looks like the Chinese flag
-I was bored so I decided to love you a lot
-I kinda wanna grind right now
-We should start a plus sized dance team...(kelly and i stare in silence)...ok ok I'll be the captain!
-Hey let's write a rap song
-You guys, ridin' dirty means riding with drugs.
-Sorry, my mouth was bein kinda bossy
-Kids love the f word. Parents hate it.
-Guys who know they're balding should snag a girl now
-Hey! I graduated with honors almost!
-Kelly is totally our most punctual friend. She's all "Hi comma Im kelly period."
-I wanna be something -licious! (after she heard someone described as 'bootylicious")
-Laughings WAY better than vomiting
-I like cats and bags
-I guess if my hands were tied behind my back and it was dark i'd kiss him
-I wanna be in a carriage with a man
-So we're not cool... We're dorks that are pretty?

It's Been Too Long

2008-04-10T14:49:00.003-05:00

-(Playing Mad Libs) Lynds: OK I need a verb. Fulmer: cowboy boot
- I love watching stains disappear
-Wouldn't it suck to be married and in a girl band?
-I feel bad for people with big faces
-I wanna be a blind black man that plays the piano
-If I was a boy I'd be a man
-Food fights are very rarely fun for me
-I wanna meet the pervert who invented sleeping bags
-I'm so glad my name isn't Joanne
-I wanna be queen of a village

The Hits Keep Comin...

2008-02-01T12:04:00.000-06:00

-I gotta look into the POW diet
-I hate that phrase "donut-holes". But I think "munchkins" is degrading to little people
-I have psycho abilities
-I need to keep a running total of interesting facts about myself
-I'm gonna be so impatient with my kids. Not mean impatient; loving impatient.

New Year, Same Old Fulms

2008-01-18T09:55:00.000-06:00

-I hope I never meet a guy and he turns out to be death (while Watching meet Joe Black)
-Yeah I think David is my Bible crush. No wait. Sampson. YEAHHHHHH...Sampson.
-I would NOT fit in in jail (while watching Shawshank Redemption)
-Its so cute when men can be girly for fun
-I wanna crack open a coconut and have diet coke stream from it
-E-harmony. It helps you find your breast match
-I love winning! I'm so good at it!
-I feel like I have man eyes
-I don't like that word. It should only be used for cats
-He's hot for his gender
-Isn't discretion a form of secret?
-Hi, my name is Lauren. I like jalapenos, onions and winning.
-Sorry i have to put on my homeless hat....I'm cold.
-I'll tell you when you graduate (to Emma)
-Don't call me Lauren. Its too formal.
-Good Morning Bebo Norman
-No wonder we're single
-He's probably going to propose while hunting for peasants. He'll shoot them all down and spell out WILL YOU MARRY ME with peasants.

More for the holiday season

2007-12-12T11:27:00.001-06:00

-(while slicing onions) I just gave this onion the 'jennifer'
-I hope they don't think I'm calling them hos. Well, they are hos. (about her "ho ho ho" christmas cards)
-I shouldv'e known not to drink tapioca balls
-I love high waisted sweat pants
-Are eggs good for you?

-I'd have a really good cooking show; listen, "and THAT'S how you cook a 5 minute meal". good, right?

They Never Stop

2007-11-14T08:43:00.001-06:00

-(angrily) Well maybe i'd cook if i had a magic bullet!
-Its almost my birthday...I turn sexy at midnight!
-I read in Glamour that 77% of women like to be spanked
-I'm just gonna be a mac daddy
-When is my life gonna fall apart cuz its so good!
-Pull my finger, I'm Lauren (pickup line she created)
-Come on! Just give a dog a bone (intending to use the expression 'throw me a bone')
-Everybody loves Raymond...and me
-I want this napkin to be bedsheets....it's so soft!
-He's like my turtleneck; he chokes me
-I wish I was a minority
-Want a bite of my banana phone?
-All the good things happen to you--like that 4 dollar coupon you just got. NO FAIR!

New Quotes

2007-10-22T23:34:00.000-05:00

In an attempt to stay as updated as possible on the hoopla which is Lauren Fulmer's life, I am going to creat new posts for every few quotes...

-I might have a crush on him if he was older (about a 10 yr old on "Kid nation)
-Me: "Fulms, is he comin tonight?" Fulmer: "probnot dot com backslash nope"
-Lawrence has a lot of pervs...I'm one of them
-I wanna date an ugly guy. Like really really ugly. Wouldn't that kinda rock? or no?
-I want my children to be just like this...(looks down at stuffed animal)...silent.
Fulmer on colds: "First you shoot.."-blows her nose, throws the kleenex in the trash- "Then you score"-washes her hands- "You never lose when you wash your hands."
-I know I'm a larger woman, but where did all of this snot come from?
-I'm pretty sure black men make better lovers
-"CBS, this is your best friend, how can I help you?"-how LP answers her work line when i call
-I love spiders... in Halloween context.
-I never thought I'd like a boy with a blonde mustache

THE QUOTES: Archive

2007-10-19T09:46:00.000-05:00

THIS ENTIRE SECTION IS DEDICATED TO THE MOST AWESOME PERSON EVER: LAUREN FULMER

-Lauren on tattoos: "I wish your skin was like etch e sketch and you could just shake it off and start fresh"
-I don't think she invited us because we're like Romey and Michelle: we'd steal the party
-Thanks for ocean-ing with me last night
-My high school didn't have spirit
-Do any of you have T mobile? I wanna know who's in your top 5.
-Lyndsay: Ok Im gonna step into your closet and when i come out; be smart. Lauren: Ok, don't come out yet.
-I wanna be cross eyed AND pretty.
-My best friend is a jewish carpenter; he calls me a lot but sometimes I ignore his calls.
-He took it like a rapist and looked right at it (referring to Mace sprayed in the air)
-I wanna date a jockey; I wanna be somebody's big mama.
-Next time you do whites can you wash my scrunchi?
-What's a quad?
-I like things that make sense
-Well that's cuz babies can't open their eyes for like 3 weeks after they're born...
-I remember being jealous of Morgy's blood type when we were little. She had the cool one and I had like B negative.
-I'm having a really hard time throwing away these puffy paints.
-I think I know that homeless person
-No, not the boombox. It has sentimental value.
-I wish I was a cash dog
-What animal do ribs come from?
-Dear Lauren, Its not fall yet. Love, your wardrobe
-Do you want a cup of jove?
-Lets play it by year
-Would you rather be a 50s girl or a pirate girl?
-You're blonde but you're not dumb
-We look rich!
-Inbreeding is not healthy.
-My face is telling me its time to self-tan
-L: Did you just call me a fat giraffe? Me: No. L: Well if I was tall I'd be offended
-No one could be that masculine unless he came from two men.
-If she was a human she'd be a plus sized model . She's beautiful. (in reference to her stupid cat, sophie)
- People know where we live. If i say 'Chicago' no one ever says 'where's that?' "
-If you can't be nice to this stuffed animal, what kind of mother are you going to be?!
-Oh no. I think I've been using 'conjugal visit' all wrong.
-You look really pretty in the lightning bandana
-You're such a good husband
-I'm gonna be really offended if you dont get the same sized pop as me
-That smiley icon looks like what ghetto girls would wear airbrushed on a trucker hat
-No I'm not getting a filling, I'm getting a cavity
-It's so hot out can we just take off our shirts please?
-You cannot get a job if you have only one hand
-I have so always wanted to be a penguin. (heavy sigh)
-I hope i still know how to ride a bike...i mean, you don't lose that, right?
-Yeah, sometimes i take naps in the abandoned office during my lunch hour. i just say "alison, wake me up at 1230"
-If i were artsy, rich and alone I'd live in this apartment
-Barbara--that's easy...its like tar tar sauce. With another A. and a B. at least that's how I always remember it..Tartara
-Please, please get a tricycle. I can just see you now..hobbling around on 4 wheels
-Lynds, a goat and sheep are the same thing
-If i curled up in a ball, I still wouldnt be bigger than her a#%
-Maybe guys like girls with cankles?

THESE ARE TRUE. I COULDN'T MAKE THEM UP IF I TRIED.